Irreversible Decisions
by rambling raconteur
Summary: Sequel to Invisible Threats, cannot be read as standalone. Leia and Han have held together between countless ups and downs. But will this ultimate progression of tragedy force them apart? Will they be able to face this new threat hand in hand? Sorry about the lame summary x). Post ROTJ, Han&Leia, doesn't follow EU, multichapter.
1. Prologue

**I seemed to have vanished from the face of the earth, right?**

**Wrong.**

**(for the fiftieth time) I'm baaaaack!**

**Sigh. I honestly can't say if it's the last time I'll say this. You'll suddenly get a flood of work from me and then nothing for a few months. I apologize, it's just my nature.**

**I've mustered up the courage to start again. This is the promised sequel to my multi-chapter Invisible Threats. I'm starting off easy so this is just a prologue. More to come, I promise my life on it!**

Presenting, the multichapter fanfiction:

Irreversible Decisions

By Cinquain

* * *

One week.

Seven days.

One hundred sixty-eight hours.

How has time passed from these horrors? How quickly...how impossible.

They came again. Those nightmares.

It's like I'm forever destined to be badgered by them. This time, they're something new. Graphis Heste is running with Alderaan on his shoulders. The green beam strikes for the millionth time and the planet shatters. But he keeps running.

He's suddenly running towards me now, gray eyes frantic as the superstation closes in.

Except this time it's not a space station.

It's Darth Vader, and the dark gleaming torture droid whirring alongside with menacing silence.

And it hits Heste with a bolt of lightning and suddenly the floor breaks. He falls, falls, and suddenly the child is there, at my feet.

The child, falls, falls away too. I cry out and I tumble after it. My stomach wrenches and I awake with a gasp.

"Leia!"

My breath rasps in my throat and cold sweat drips down the side of my head. I am trembling uncontrollably, hands clutching the sheets for dear life.

His face slowly comes into view, concerned and almost as terrified as I feel.

Han. Maybe the only person I can really depend upon to be there for me.

He has a new cold towel dripping in a bowl of ice water and he places it on the bedside table.

"The nightmares." he states, not questions as he wrings out the rag in the bowl. He removes my old one, which is as hot as my own, burning skin, and replaces it. The kiss of coolness slowly seeps into my bones and I start to breathe evenly.

"Yes." I murmur, staring up at him. He returns the gaze, and I can tell he is trying to hide his pity. He breaks eye contact and kisses me on the cheek, dropping the old towel in the water.

"Do you need anything else?" he asks, straightening up. I look down at the sheets and shake my head mutely.

"Thank you."

He manages a woebegone smile before backing out of the room.

We are all spent from the ordeal. We can barely speak to each other. What is going through our heads? We want to know, but we don't.

What can we do?

This is tearing us all apart.

* * *

**The next chapter is coming, I promise!**

**Oh, and I need input. Should this fic be first person past-tense, first person present-tense (Invisible Truths was mostly this format), third person past-tense, switching, etc etc? I think I should probably just stick to what Invisible was like, but yeah...feedback pleaaase.**

**No, I didn't forget. :D Reviews?**


	2. Chapter 1: Falling Out Of Love

**Raaahhh. I'm sick.**

**That's a good thing in the fact that I have more time to work on my FanFictions (yay?).**

**Anyways, here's a long one to compensate for the equally, if longer, wait.**

Chapter 1: Falling Out Of Love

* * *

Even though it seems we have lost our words for each other, he still is there for me.

He doesn't tell anybody about my nightmares. Or my day-mares, where I suddenly fall into a dark world where nothing makes sense and wake, usually on the ground, shaking. I know that he wants to tell.

But he keeps his word.

And every night, before we climb into bed and pretend that we aren't under the same covers, he watches me. He asks me just one question.

"Is there anything you want to say?"

It goes the same, every time. I stare at him, shake my head. He looks away, either down at my hands, or just at the covers, and nods. Hands me the water, gets into bed.

That is how we end each day.

Except tonight.

He asks me those fateful words, and this time I can't even meet his gaze. I can hear him sigh, and he reaches out and touches my hand.

And the tear escapes my eye, rolling down my cheek, landing on the back of his hand.

He looks up at me again with a jolt, and I return the gaze with clouded eyes. I fall into his arms and the tears fall, large and hot, slowly, one by one. My voice chokes, trying to say what my mind is thinking.

"I'm falling out of love." I mumble.

But the worst part is what he says to me.

"I know."

* * *

Why, why did he have to say that, of all things? One thing was certain, it was that he was most definitely not joking.

And yet it stirs up so many memories that I don't know what I feel about my husband.

That night, I dream of him. But it seems that the Force is pitying me, because this time it's about Han.

But it's so unbelievably vivid.

It starts with my very first, true encounter with him.

It was after the Battle of Yavin, during the festivities. I was kind of wandering aimlessly, a glass of white wine in my palm. I had actually been looking for Luke when Han turned up.

"Hi there, princess." he said, sauntering over and leaning casually against the doorway. I looked up at him cautiously.

"Hello," I responded slowly. "Good to see you again, Captain."

He brightened. "Well, I have to say you're a lot more amiable when you're not on a superstation."

I pursed my lips. "I was under a lot of pressure, Solo."

"Oh, so no more with the 'Captain' now, huh?" he pouted, cocking his head down at me with a half-grin. I looked right back at his hazel eyes. A crazy, crazy thought ran through my head, along the lines of; _'gods, those eyes...and that medal'_ but I put it away immediately.

"If that's what you'd like, then, sure, Captain." I scrutinized him carefully but he just seemed openly friendly and I managed a smile. He did a sort of double take and gazed at me for a few moments. I felt embarrassment flutter in my chest and my own self immediately screamed at me in disbelief. _Alderaan gone and you're falling for men left and right? Get your act together, Organa!_

"Your smile is beautiful." he mumbled after a moment, and this time I flushed pink from head to toe. What was I supposed to say? My confused, jumbled mind clutched at a straw and before I knew what was happening I blurted it out.

"Your eyes are..." I trailed off, guessing that my face was probably now a very interesting shade of red. "your eyes..."

"Well, no kidding," he smirked again, and my heart skipped a beat. "Yeah, they're my eyes."

I blushed for the third time, and I immediately drew away, eyes narrowing.

"I was just trying to say, that..." I started with a sharp retort on my mind and realized that I had gone in the wrong direction. "that I like your eyes."

And, that infuriating Han Solo, he only winked at me knowingly and just walked away.

Leaving me, breathing hard, face prickling, heart trembling.

* * *

Second, it's Hoth.

"Prin-cess?" Han called as he stepped out of the blowing winds, voice muffled from the heavy layers shielding him from the cold. This time I was happy to see him. Ecstatic, even. I leaped into his arms and he caught me. We just stood like that for a long moment. The ice caked on his coat started to soak into my clothes but I didn't care.

"I thought that, t-that you were...gone," I breathed, and he held me tighter.

"I would leave with a warning, wouldn't I?" he responded in a low voice, and I blinked away tears.

He had been gone, flying the Falcon on a roundabout trip to traverse the land and see if any settlements were nearby. His ship had been caught in a snowstorm and it inevitably broke down, forcing him to land and suffer without heat and limited supplies for five days.

On the first day I had been indifferent, thinking that perhaps they had found a civilization and was getting the radio set up or whatever.

On the second day I started to smell a rat but I kept my silence.

On the third day a low, stabbing pain in my chest would suddenly ambush me when I wouldn't me expecting it.

On the fourth day it progressed to a sharp, constant worry that kept me awake at night and made me drift off of my tasks.

On the fifth day I stood outside, ignoring all of my duties and meetings, looking for a sign of that battered bucket of bolts through the snow and gray sky.

At night I sat by the comm reciever while the man on duty tried to make chit-chat and make eyes at me and honestly, I wouldn't have given a pile of bantha fodder if he was offering me endless gold and a chance to defeat the Empire. All I could think about was Han, mind torturing me with the thought that he might have left the Alliance for good. Without a single goodbye.

And then a worse thought came over me as I shivered in the nighttime cold.

Was he wasting away, caught in one of Hoth's vicious blizzards?

That's when I realized that I frickin hated this planet.

Luke, what the hell were you thinking, leading us here?

The first thing that alerted me to his return was a clatter outside.

I leaped to my feet, the blanket that had been wrapped around me fell to the ground. The man on duty put a hand on my arm.

"We don't know if this is Captain Solo or not, Your Highness." he warned, but I shook him off, immediately striding towards the men guarding the blast shield doors.

"Open up, he's outside, Solo's outside." I rapped out sharply. The officer in charge turned a surprised gaze towards me and I challenged him with my eyes.

"Maam, have you gotten the identification comm from Captain Solo?" he asked, looking down at me. I bristled, heart hammering. Something told me that he was out there, freezing in the cold.

"No, but he's out there, I know he is." They remained motionless, staring at me and I fumed before moving towards the control panel myself. The mustached soldier immediately moved into my way and I gritted my teeth in agitation.

"It could be an Imperial Probe Droid, Your Highness, or a sp-"

"I don't give a pile of fodder if it's a probe droid!" I nearly screamed in his face and banged against the unyielding doors. "CAPTAIN! CAPTAIN! HAN! _Han! Han...you're out there, aren't you? Han..."_ I was on the verge of hysteria and I charged at the panel again, but this time they were ready. Two men easily lifted me up and I thrashed in fury, another reason for hating my meager weight and strength.

"Open the door," sighed a man, and I whipped my head around as far as I could see to find Rieekan walking towards us.

"Carlist, Carlist," I nearly sobbed. "Tell them that he's out there..."

"Sir, the risks of being captured-"

"Nothing's gonna be out here on a blizzard. Open the doors."

The officer grimaced, hesitating before turning around and activating the panel. The doors began to groan as they slowly slid apart.

My heart rose as the sillhouette of the Falcon was emerging against the gray sky.

And a familiar figure, staggering down the gangway...

Now I was cradled in his arms, forcing tears not to fall as he murmured nonsensical, comforting things into my ear. He grasped my forearms and started to pry me away from him but I winced, the bruises from the assault against the blast shields now starting to make their presence known.

"What happened?" he asked, hazel eyes immediately darting to my face, studying what was probably a pained expression. I shook my head, a small smile on my face.

"More like what happened to _you_." I chided lightly. He shrugged modestly, looking away from my eyes, but I could tell he appreciated the thorough staring at his own expression. I laughed softly and suddenly his head turned to look at me, eyes wide.

"I missed that laugh," he murmured, taking a hold of my hands. I smiled shyly and he leaned in, looking a bit dreamy. "And that smile."

By then I started to blush and I happened to glance about at our surroundings.

Five officers and Rieekan were staring at us. The officers looked rather dumbstruck, but Rieekan almost had a small smile on his face, and he looked rather exasperated. A further study yielded the man from the radio-receiver standing behind Han with an openly jealous stare.

I pulled away immediately, face flushing. Han watched me with a disappointed look on his face. We stood like that for a bit longer, him watching, I avoiding his gaze. After a moment he waved a dismissive hand, rolling his eyes.

"...would be nice if you acknowledge your _interest_ in me for once..."

"Interest!" I sputtered, but he only sauntered away, his laugh echoing through the hangar.

That laugh echoed in my mind for a long time afterwards.

* * *

**Yay. Glad I got that done...**

**Reviews? And predictions [because I still don't know how this story will go X)] are welcome...**


	3. Chapter 2: Until Indifference Do Us Part

**Yaydone 8D**

**Please read, I'm sorry for being gone, yadayada. :/**

**I don't own SW.**

Chapter 2: Until Indifference Do Us Part

* * *

"I'm losing her."

I stare desperately at Luke, hoping his Jedi wisdom would conjure up something that would magically fix everything. But he only sighs, head in his hands.

"She's gone through too much."

"That's it?" I respond disbelievingly.

"It's not your fault, Han. It was never your fault."

I cringe inwardly, remembering when I broke the news about the virus to her before all of this. This still feels like it is because of me, no matter what Luke tries to persuade me to.

"She's pulling away again, she doesn't want any more pain from any relationships."

"But there was nothing with Heste," I sputter. "And the child wasn't even born!"

"Heste loved _her_, couldn't you see? As soon as he lay eyes on her, he paid so much attention, and I could feel his concern." Luke spoke gently. "And he lost his life, another person dead like Alderaan and everybody else, because of what she believes was for her benefit. And the child...well. What mother wouldn't be devastated to lose their baby?"

I stare at the wall, fists clenched, unable to stop trembling at anger builds up and I lash out at a vase. It shatters on the floor and I am reminded of the Death Star, shattering. The shield generator, shattering. The vase, from the palace, shattering.

Alderaan. Shattered.

"Why does everything have to happen to her? Why can't we just live normal lives?" I rage at the broken pieces, eyes unseeing. "Why can't we just run away? Escape? Why is this galaxy so screwed up?!"

"The Force works in mysterious ways."

"Well then why Leia? Why was she chosen to hold the whole galaxy on her tiny shoulders..."

Luke stares steadily at me and I look up at him, heart pounding. His voice is soft.

"Because the Force knew Leia can take this all without bending."

"Well, the fricking Force went too far this time."

* * *

"You have to eat."

She lifts the spoon to her lips. Sips. Drops it to the bowl.

I do not say anything. I almost want to cry, watching her like this.

Those eyes are cold, dead. What happened to those deep brown eyes I had fallen in love with? When we would fight, they would be like twin fires, blazing like the suns of Tatooine. Or when she would laugh, they would dance, like a pair of fireflies in the night. When she lost heart, or even cried (neither of which would almost never happen), they would ripple like the last rays of the moon, they would make me take you in my arms and want to cry with you.

And when we would kiss...they were a window to your beautiful soul.

What has happened? I can't see her through the glass anymore. I know that distorted reflection isn't Leia.

"We need to fix this," I say after a long silence. Leia's dark stare turns to me, vacant and unseeing.

"End it." her lips barely move. I blink at her uncomprehendingly. "We hold the power of our own lives, Han."

"A therapy session or something," I clutch at straws in vain. "Speak to some councilors."

A bitter, wry smile comes across her face and she takes my hand, shaking her head. She gazes down on our intertwined fingers, hers so cold against my palm.

"It would be so much easier," she continues, her voice dropping on my ears like the first, delicate drops of rain in a shower, brushing and cracking against the wavelength of sound. "if we let go."

"What are you talking about?" I inquire, confused. She looks up again.

"This galaxy doesn't need us anymore, Han."

"Leia!" I bolt to my feet as I realize what she means. "No, we can get through this. Stop it, what happened to you?"

She is so tiny, so frail under the sheets as she closes her eyes, tilting her head to the sky in silent prayer. This is not the woman I first met on the Death Star, with sharp wit and a will to live and succeed stronger than durasteel.

But now, Princess Leia Organa is dangling to life by a hair.

"You were the one who'd never, ever give up, who'd throw your life into serving the galaxy. You're the one who never let any deaths be in vain! They need you!" I plead. "I need you! Princess, please."

"I was so eager, but I was young, Han."

"Y-you are still young." I stammer, but she seems century old now, beaten down and broken. "This isn't the end. Think of everything still left in our lives. Vacations, visits with Chewie and Malla, getting a new apartment," his voice cracked. "R-raising children."

"Children?" she laughed almost sarcastically. "With our luck two out of three would die before they even reach adulthood. Han, I can't find the light at the end of the tunnel. It's too far."

"Do you love me?" I blurt out, taking her wrists in my hands. She stares at me.

"I'm-I wish, Han."

"You're falling out of love, Leia."

"I'm not. I don't know-I don't think so. I really hope." She blinks at me sadly, and for a moment I can see a smudge of her old self in her eyes. My heartrate quickens and I push on, avoiding her gaze.

"If you loved me you wouldn't speak about this, Leia. You wouldn't leave me here alone, nor would you let me die with you."

"Han, I-"

"Sweetheart. I'm going wherever you're going, I'm never leaving your side. Until death do us part, remember?"

My voice has lowered and I chance a glance up to her face. There are tears swimming in those eyes, and more. Herself, Leia has surfaced again.

"Not death do us part," she whispers. "Until indifference do us part."

"When will that be?" I ask, my heart starting to cave in. What have I done? Is she really this lost?

What she says next brings tears of relief to my own eyes.

"Never."

* * *

**Reviews, and who can find the jab at the EU series? ;)**


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